Fluterbev's Musings

It is a very, very long time indeed since I posted any kind of a story here. But I've been footling around with this, and decided it would be fun to share. For certain values of fun, of course, it being on the uber-angsty side. What? You maybe expected puppies and rainbows? This is me we're talking about, here! :-D

A while ago I wrote a story called Take Two. Super-angsty bonding fic, ahoy!

I have started a sequel. This is the beginning, approx 2000 words. No idea if/when this might continue, so if you dislike open ended WIPs, look away now.

The rest of you, welcome to the contents of my scary brain mwahahahahaha! 

 

 

 

 Hi all,

A friend of mine who is doing some research for her PhD has asked that I publicise this here in the hopes some of you might take part in her survey. I have known Sarah a long time, so can state with confidence that this is all absolutely above board. She has asked, though, that her fannish and real life identities be kept separate, so I can't tell you any more than that about who she is.

(Please note, however, that she is not sara_merry99, despite the similarity of name. This is an entirely different Sarah).

Anyway, here is what Sarah has to say, and some links to find out more about her research:

***

My name is Sarah and I’m a PhD student at Aberystwyth University, studying membership of online communities and how they affect everyday life. I’m looking for people to fill in a short online questionnaire (15 questions), which should take five to ten minutes to complete. 

The first page of the questionnaire has some information about the research, together with my contact details and those of my supervisor. I have also set up a website which has more information for participants (and potential participants) at http://online-friendship.com. 

The questionnaire asks whether you would be willing to be interviewed about your answers. There’s no obligation to do this, but if you do agree to take part in the interviews, they will probably take place in the autumn/winter. 

If you are interested in taking part, the survey is at http://edu.surveygizmo.com/s3/564050/lj4 . Please feel free to share this link with others. 

If you have any questions about my research or about the questionnaire, please contact me via the details given on the survey site, or at the website above. 

Sarah 
(Many apologies if you see this more than once!) 

Playing lots of music right now, as well as devoting much of my time to kids and work. And yet my fannish tendencies cannot be suppressed!

Doctor Who is just great. I love the new Doctor, love the storylines, love the characters, love everything! And yet I perpetually steer clear of the fandom because squee harshing (which is endemic) is not what I need. To my intense delight my friend Lucy is an even bigger DW fangirl than me, yay! So we fangirl together in real life instead of on t'internetz. A good solution all round!

In other news, last night I watched (for the first time) a marathon of Game of Thrones. Back when I lived in Ireland I read the books, and absolutely loved them. The adaptation is utterly awesome, and seems (from my memory of the novels) really close to the source. I am a bit behind and watching out of sequence, as last night the marathon went on until 4.30am and I gave up about 1.30am (after watching about four or five episodes in a row). I have to sleep sometime! Right now I am watching one that is a bit further along (which is not so bad as I know what happens anyway). God, I love this so much. I really must get the DVDs when available. (Also my favourite quote ever is George R,R, Martin is not your bitch, which is a whole different yet related source of pleasure. Go, GRRM! Write at your own pace, finish when ready, and not one second before!)

The Sentinel is being shown here on CBS Action during the week (which I always miss because I am out at work), but on Saturday there was a bit of a marathon so I watched TSbyBS and Warriors. I so love Jim and Blair. My OTP for ever ♥

That's it for now. My fangirl credentials, despite everything, are still sound :-)

 It's a beautiful day here so, after spending a few hours doing jobs around the house, I have been sitting out in the sun in my garden with a glass of wine while the roast chicken cooks. I'm busy writing a scene for Decimated, longhand in the old-fashioned way with a pen, in a notebook I found in a drawer. It's just too nice outside today to do it at the computer.

I just leafed through the notebook, and found loads of excerpts of Conforming to Requirements: rough drafts of scenes I scribbled down way back at the time I was working on it, before I typed them up and posted them.

It made me all nostalgic and smiley :-). 

I've just been posting some of my old stories at Archive of our Own (AO3). There's a meme going round, now that AO3 has made it possible to subscribe to individual authors, so I thought I'd participate and tell you where to find me :-)

I'm  Fluterbev on the AO3. (You'll need to log in to see the subscribe button.). Just The Sentinel, of course :-). And I'm only currently posting some of my stories, just the ones I am reasonably happy with.

I came across this on my friends list after I made my earlier post. Kind of a related issue. 

This post about quality writing and comments is brilliantly observed and right on the button.

Nothing to add, this says it all! Except maybe I can add this. It seems that all too often nefarious motives are assumed of others, when people feel insecure about their own writing/place in fandom/whatever. I can't begin to count the number of times in TS fandom that writers have pointed to other writers' comment counts/winning of awards etc as something those people have willfully, fraudulently and undeservedly deprived them of. I've become, over the years, so sick of that kind of snide discourse that I've frequently fantasised about flouncing deleting everything and disappearing into the sunset (but of course I won't because flouncing is just as ridiculous *g*) simply to escape it all for good, because it has so fundamentally affected my enjoyment of my chosen fandom. I understand if people need to vent when they are feeling unhappy or unappreciated, but I really, really wish they could do so without stomping on other writers - and the readers who like their stuff - in the process. It is petty and poisonous and it pisses me off. 

Gosh I seem to have got my snark on today, for some reason! Maybe I need more coffee...

I am delighted to report that Decimated, a story gillyp (AKA Panik) and I are writing for Moonridge, is back on the front burner for both of us. We're working at the moment on a planned timescale of having the first draft done by the end of March, following which we will get together in person for a weekend to work on the final draft.

We both feel really bad about how long it has taken, but unfortunately life for both of us for the past year, in its different ways, has very much meant that we were never simultaneously in a place where we were able to give it the attention it deserves. Right now, though, we're better in sync, and I have to say I am over the moon to be working with Gilly again :-).

It's a very dark tale, and definitely won't be for everyone. But if we can please a few people - especially our very patient buyers - then we'll be very happy indeed :-)

So, I'm a one fandom girl, right? The Sentinel, that's it (well, apart from things like Robin of Sherwood and Doctor Who, about which I have an abiding love of the canon). TS? Yep, that's the only thing I'm ever going to be fannish about in that fluttery tummy, mad fannish way which makes me want to write masses of angsty H/C fic.

UNTIL!

White Collar.

rhianne , you are bad, bad, bad!

I just watched the pilot, after spending the weekend reading fic for it.

Oh dear...

::is utterly gone::

::meep::

::needs more::

 I have just about finished a story! This makes me very happy. It is the bonding AU I started for the Big Bang (but didn't have time to finish back then). I am now giving it to Gerri as I owe her a Moonridge story (she was supposed to get a missing scene, but has accepted this instead). One more obligation out of the way, which makes me feel a whole lot better about writing in general!

I am at the finishing off stage right now, just a last couple of paragraphs to write followed by a whole load of tinkering. Word count as it stands: 14,558. I expect the final word count to be around 15k, so yes, very close indeed to being done.

Still no title for this one! Time to put my thinking cap on. Hmmmm... I want to do a word play on the word 'bond' or something analogous. If anyone wants to drop ideas in the comments feel free :-)


ETA: The fic now has a title! It is called 'Take Two'. Also it is now 15,133 words long, and completely finished except for one scene which I think needs a bit more work.

 I have just finished reading one of the most awesome fics I have ever read. I saw this mentioned somewhere, went looking, and could not stop reading!

Pairing Pendragon/Merlin

It's a Merlin AU by an anonymous author, and tells the story of a BNF in the Camelot fandom called Arthur (whose LJ pseud is Pendragon) and the beta - Merlin - he falls in love with. It is chock full of meta about fandom. Just so incredibly well observed, it makes my brain spin!

Even if you are not into the Merlin fandom, you should give this a go. Seriously, I am in awe.

Oh dear, editing again. Mucho editing. Final word count for the whole thing so far (I have stopped counting the wordage of the individual parts) is 175,512. Thankfully the wonderful knitty_woman  (my beta) is cool with being sent a million versions ♥

All three parts of The Night Terrors now have nifty sub-names of their own: The Reaping, The Harrowing and The Winnowing. Also, I have updated parts one and two at my fic journal with some minor (though very necessary) edits. The wonderful born2slash  is helping me out with updating the versions at ASR3.

Part the Third is as done as I can make it, bar the beta. As it is a very big story, it will most likely be a while yet before that is finished. Afterwards, I predict more tinkering for lo, I cannot help myself! So posting will be a little while yet.

I obviously have got it on the brain, though. I have not even put the story properly to bed, but already I am dreaming up little vignettes and glimpses into the future of James and Blair... ::thinks fondly of them grown old and grizzled::

I've been tinkering again. Hours and hours of it. This is not healthy!

What was my supposed final word count, again? Oh yes, 174,167. Now it is 175,418. It's improved though, I think!

By the time I am done, TNT will be the MOST EDITED fic ever. It still might suck (ha ha), and I will probably end up hating it before I am done. But it will hopefully at least possess internal logic and be typo free. My poor beta has just been sent version 3... she truly is a hero ♥

You're all sick of me talking about it now, yes? I don't blame you! But this thing has TAKEN OVER MY LIFE. You might as well suffer as well, dear flist.

Please send booze. And chocolate. And pretty pool boys to distract me....

::determinedly shuts down Word and contemplates going to bed::

 I've been trying for two days to find a particular email (some negative feedback I got for The Night Terrors after I posted Part the Second). I couldn't remember who it was from, or the exact date I received it other than it was after March 2008. I finally found it this evening it in a mail account I don't use very much, so yay for that. Job done!

Don't ask me why I was looking for it ::grins::. Okay, maybe I'll tell you anyway. Sometimes I entertain myself by reading back over some of the less positive comments I have received over the years. I have an odd relationship with negative feedback, especially that which is primarily to do with someone else's subjective likes and dislikes (which, ninety per cent of the time, is exactly what it is about). Whilst it's interesting to find out what makes people tick, I mostly tend to squint at it in puzzlement, and wonder what it all has to do with me! I never really understand why people feel the need to tell me if they dislike something I've written, and often think it'd be more satisfying for them if they just went away and griped about it to their friends.

The only two times I can remember challenging negative feedback was with (1) someone who was appalled (for her own apparently homophobic reasons) that I placed two OFC lesbians in a gen fic, and (2) another who objected to a factual point in my Irish Saga, despite having never set foot in Ireland in her life, and basing her argument on cultural norms in Texas. But mostly I simply shrug, thank them for their time, and move on. What else can you do? People like things or they don't, and that's down to them.

Funny old beast, feedback. I've had the whole gamut, from fantastic to awful, in my time. It's always nice to hear that my stories have made someone happy, because it makes me happy to write them. But I'm never sure what I'm expected to do with the feedback which tells me I haven't. I'll continue to thank people politely, while squinting in puzzlement and wondering what other people's opinions have to do with me, I expect.  :-)

 Phew, I'm finally making progress on editing The Night Terrors. It's so much easier than the actual writing part, I'm actually quite enjoying it. I'm making myself a timeline on an excel spreadsheet as I go along, to ensure I've got it right. I'm also making a list of things which need to be revisited throughout the story, to ensure logical consistency. I'll go over those when I've finished this first edit.

Yesterday I was despairing of actually finding time to engage with this, now the christmas holidays are over, but I am happy now to report that the edit is well underway. knitty_woman , it'll probably be another few days before I send it to you for beta, but at least I'm getting there, finally!

I've done it, I've done it. I'm done! \o/ \o/ \o/

Well, MOSTLY done - there are the two scenes which need major padding out (they practically only exist in note form), and after that I need to do a massive edit, followed by a big, final edit (with a beta somewhere there in the middle), and no-doubt endless tinkering and re-writing along the way. But! I have finished the last scene, written the final words, and have typed the immortal coda, 'The End'. Eeeeeeeeeee!

OMG. I am a big wuss, I actually have tears in my eyes, and a major lump in my throat. I have loved writing this story. It's been a major part of my life for ages - how long has this taken? Three years, at least, I think? And how bloody LONG is it anyway?

This word count will rise significantly, due to the aforementioned scenes which need padding, as well as the editing:

Part the Third
Previous: 69,525; Current: 72,863


The whole thing:
Previous: 167,902; Current: 171,210


Now for some food. Then I will open a bottle of champers, yes :-)

Happy new year, everyone!

I did some writing yesterday, mostly re-jigging and padding out rather than new bits, but felt a bit under the weather later on in the day and called a halt. I ended up sleeping for twelve hours - pretty unprecedented for me! The upside of this is that today my fully rested brain is well stuck into writing mode and I am therefore writing like a maniac. No telly, no music, utter peace and quiet broken only by the frantic tapping of my keyboard.

I am currently having a brief break before the final push - time for some food, I think! But I truly think I can get this finished today, if I keep slogging on. Latest word counts:

Part the Third
Previous: 64,819 Current: 67,610 Current: 68,197


The whole thing:
Previous: 163,159 Current: 165,957 Current: 166,544


I really, desperately want to write the words 'The End' before the day is out...


ETA: 4.00 pm, and I need to take a break now, as I'm struggling to find the right words for these final sections. I doubt I'll get it finished today after all, as I really need to give my brain a rest and do something else for a while, but I am so close. I think a final push tomorrow will do it.

God, listen to me go on about pushing - it's like I am giving birth! Out, damn spot!

I'm at that stage of writing where I just want this story done, because the end is in sight but there's still quite a bit of slog to do beforehand.

Current total of Part the Third: 63,349

Current total of all three parts: 161,689

I am really, desperately hoping to write the last few bits and type the words 'The End' by this weekend at the latest (I'm guessing - even though the goalposts keep moving - that I have approx another 6/7,000 words to write). This is all dependent on finding enough time over the next few days to do it - this is a really busy time of year for us, with many distractions, as I am sure it is for many of you as well!

Once that is done I need to do a mega edit, going right back to the start and re-reading to ensure internal consistency and get a sense of timescales/seasons/loose ends that need tidying etc, and most of the last part will need copious editing and rewriting in the light of that. After that, it'll head off to be betaed (thanks so much for stepping up, knitty_woman!)

It will be sometime in the new year, at least, before anyone sees the finished product, but at long last I'm confident that I've nearly got the hard part done :-)

I'm really rushed this week, with work, home life and rehearsing for a big concert this Friday. Despite all that, I am pleased to say that I am continuing to make progress on the final part of The Night Terrors. This is mostly by a process of getting up at stupid o'clock and going to bed far too late, but I am embracing the writing zone while I still have it!

In my last update, Part the Third stood at 56,356 words, and the entire story was nearly 155,000 words.

As of today:

Part the Third: 58,996 - yes, only 4 words short of 59,000! \0/

The whole thing: approx 157,200

That isn't a huge increase in wordage since last week, but I spent a lot of time editing the most recent parts at the weekend, and since yesterday I've been forging ahead with additional scenes so I'm feeling pretty pleased with myself.

I definitely underestimated how long it is going to be when it is done - I think I will need to write between 7,000 - 10,000 words to finish it. After that I'll need to spend a lot of time editing and making sure there are no loose ends before it is ready for beta (if any brave, foolish soul is courageous enough to take the monster on) :-)

This morning's starting point for Part the Third:

52,680

After writing for large chunks of today:

56,356

There may be an ETA later as I plan to tinker with it some more before I go to bed :-)

We're watching QI, and St. Stephen of Fry just asked the question, "How many senses are there?" Needless to say, five was not the correct answer, there are many more. Hm, it would be interesting to research that and apply it to a Sentinel fic... ::throws plot bunny to the four winds::

Talking of fic, for the first time in months I've been writing! I found myself tinkering yesterday with The Night Terrors, and have done some more this morning. I've written an additional 4000 words this weekend so far, in fact (the final part totals over 50,000 words now). I might actually finish this thing yet!

Gilly and I have been trying to arrange a time to get together to finish Decimated, but it's proving hard to do in view of our respective offline life difficulties, and is further complicated now that Christmas is on the horizon. We're definitely going to do it, though. Just as soon as we both manage to get a break.

Thanks in brief for all the lovely comments I've had recently, and just to let you know I'm feeling a bit more like myself today. I hope everyone is well. This afternoon I'm going to flit hither and thither between the kitchen and the dining room table, alternately cooking Sunday dinner and tinkering with TNT. I'd love to get at least a rough draft of the final section finished by the time the roast spuds are done :-)

After Garett Maggart told us at GMOH that his dad used to live in the TV (ie he was a regular on Sesame Street when Garett was very young), I got curious and went looking for clips.

I found the following. 'Buddy' is played by Garett's dad (note the familiar hair!):



This was filmed in 1969, which incidentally was the year Garett was born. I am sure I have a vague recollection of this - I would have been four at the time it was filmed, although we probably got it here a while later.

Okay, I have not yet recovered enough braincells to write a proper report, and the whole event was just too laid back and chatty for me to really focus on interesting things to tell you, other than Garett was amazingly relaxed and friendly and just kind of one of us for the weekend. So in lieu of that, I bring you picspam.

One thing I will say is that, despite all his protests to the contrary, Garett has an amazing memory, and remembered so many of us from previous times, which he proved by bringing up things we'd talked about four years ago. His first words to me were, "Hey Bev, nice to see you again. Did you bring your flute?" You can imagine my reaction :-).

Actually, I did bring a tin whistle, as I hardly go anywhere without one, and so ended up playing it for the merry throng on Saturday night. Honestly, I was crap because there had been copious quantities of drink taken at that stage... um, I mean 7-Up. Obvs I am allergic to the e-numbers or something... LOL. But whatevs, Mr M and his lovely lady (and yes he brought Rebecca, and she is incredibly lovely) were very sweet about my rather inebriated ditty. So sweet in fact that once again Hazel and Sue and I - plus Alex and one or two others - were the last ones to bed after Garett and Rebecca left - at 2.30 am. Rebecca actually wanted to stay and talk to us longer... hee! Garett accused me of groping her but I swear it isn't true... ::whistles::

Anyway, I am sure I will remember more things I want to say, but for now have some pictures. I didn't take all that many, and the ones I've got are not great (apart from a couple under here I have filched from others), but I hope you enjoy anyway :-)

( The gorgeous Mr. M )

the4ts has posted some more of her amazing pics on her journal here. Run, run like the wind! :-)

Can any of my USian friends help me out with this query?

I need the name of a really well-known (as in household name) American talk show host, preferably one who focusses in their show on people with emotional issues (in that someone would get some kind of agony-aunt-type counselling for their problems on-stage). NOT Jerry Springer, though! Also it has to be something that was well-known and on-air in 2005.

I seem to remember there is one shown over here sometimes, Dr Somebodymumble cant-remember-the-name, but he used to be a psychologist on Oprah back on the day, I think? And there are others too we get, but I can't remember what they are called because I never watch them.

Anyway, can anyone help?

Much obliged!

LJ are apparently going to remove (though it may take a few weeks to do so) the ability for people to crosspost comments on other people's locked entries to Facebook and Twitter. This is good news.

However, in the meantime they have quietly rolled out a nifty new feature that allows any public post you make to be easily shared by someone reading it to Facebook, Twitter, Bebo, Buzz etc etc etc. Look at any public post on your own journal or on your LJ friends list - see that it now has 'Share!' as an option? Click on that and see what it does - it enables you (or anyone else) to crosspost that public entry, anywhere, anytime. I have opted out from it twice but it has opted me back IN both times without notice. Opting out does not, in any case, turn this feature off - you are stuck with it on every public post you make no matter what. All opting out does, according to the terms of service, is prevent information about your browsing habits being shared with advertisers. Obviously it doesn't work in my case :-(

Another bit of info that has come out - if you use Facebook Connect to link your LJ and your Facebook, your Facebook name (in many cases your real life name) is then displayed as a link on your LJ user info, and this can't be hidden. If you've linked the two, go take a look. This may not be a problem for some, but for others who wish to keep their identities separate - not so good.

So. The only way to keep your LJ content from being easily linked at Facebook et al (and if someone links you over there you have no way of knowing they have done so) is to make all posts locked. And in the meantime, until the comment crossposting feature is rolled back, any comments made in your LJ, locked or otherwise, could end up being crossposted without your knowledge.

I've been reading a lot since this debacle started about the way LJ is heading , and it is obvious that the whole nature of it has changed and continues to change because fandom is simply not SUP's market - the wider blogsphere is. I think people will use LJ differently in the future - more like a regular blog, with real names instead of pseuds, linked to the other online places they hang out. This is not what I want - because of the privacy options I've used my LJ to talk about some pretty personal stuff, as well as having utilised it for fandom activities, all of which I want to keep on my journal, not put out there. I want my LJ to stand alone for a specific purpose, not be part of the wider internet activities I engage in under my real name. It's getting harder and harder to do that and keep it nominally private, which means that LJ is therefore no longer a tool fit for my purpose.

So. I suppose this is me saying farewell to LJ, and embracing Dreamwidth, which emphatically does have the privacy options I want. I will still crosspost at LJ for the sake of those friends who are staying put (though all my posts will be locked, and comments will only be possible at DW) and I'll still lurk at LJ and comment on my friend's posts, but I won't be adding any more public content of my own. I enjoyed my years at LJ, and have the best flist in the world ♥. I'll miss the good old days but feel it's time to embrace the new, and establish a main journal that suits me better.

I have about twelve Dreamwidth invites available if anyone wants to come join me (where lo, I am still the same old fluterbev , and all my old entries from LJ are there). It's getting more lively now there are more people (apparently over 60,000 new DW accounts have been made since the start of LJ Fail last week), and starwatcher  made a great post yesterday to help TS fans find each other. And I must say I am enjoying a lot playing with the new features - it's extremely user friendly and fun to use. There's also some help for LJ users who wish to migrate which explains the differences between LJ and DW: A guide to Dreamwidth for LiveJournal users.

If you would like a code drop me a line to fluterbev at g mail dot com and I'll be very happy to send you an invite :-)

...okay, despite everything, it looks like I am going after all \o/